The Smashed Compass and the Sea

Inspired by an unnamed person's perpetual plight

Tomorrow I'd rather die than live to see
You say I exaggerate, that I enjoy the pain
But I'm not sure you know what's been done to me
And as I describe my world to you, I'd rather you refrain
From speaking even if you must dam the river
For I must hurry and you must hear-- my body begins to quiver

It's simple to say that It let me down
But in doing so left me in the sand on the shore
That I was soon buried in, doomed to drown
In the nearby sea of despair that I had never felt before
Save when It set me there months before
And as you know the sea was unusually ordinary
The drowned sailors in their numbers were extraordinary
For I, for certain, was not the only one
To lose course and find myself at one
With an angry sea, harsh and gripping
That left me alone with my thoughts, consciousness slipping

And you are right, my desire was the sea
Purposeful my intent was in smashing my last compass
Until the shards were nothing more than sand
This is the part you fail to understand
I can see why, for my thoughts seem in chaos
Contrary to the fact my thoughts were subdued
I say this because It is a beast with hundreds of arms
Playing me as a puppet, and I believe for Its pleasure
An influence and power beyond normal measure

As I was told, It was a facade
I mention the beast only as external speculation
For what I saw was the legendary mermaid on a rock
Craving my desire for Its own well-being
Of course a mirage of the sea, It left as It came
I searched for time unknown, all the while staring
White-eyed and wanton, to exterminate my mind in the sea
At this point with lack of belief in the world
I smashed my last compass
Hoping to end in the only thing I'd known

I still see It through dreams now and again
Which is why I'm telling you this, my friend
I've smashed my compass, drowned my self
So many things, I can't think of what else

So give me now your hand, even as it trembles
Pay no attention to the object, no matter what it resembles
And meeting my eyes you are now the mermaid on a rock
Meeting my eyes, do not look around; there's no escape, no dock
I will lay in the sea, comforted only because its all I've known
And you will aim and fire, and then leave me alone
For I will sink slowly, drinking all that I can
Until on the ocean bottom, softly I will land
Among the countless sailors who died the same way
Many with holes in their chests, but I don't need to say
Take comfort knowing nothing has changed
I've always been here, that's how It did arrange
Silently I'll lay, suspended, with no conscious mind herein
Dead in the same deep slumber that I've always hidden in

Savior of Nature, Also My Own

Nature prevails when conflicts arise
The leaf must turn toward the sun
However rooted it may be, to show itself
And the leaves around it that it tries
Facing the sun as if it was a savior
And it is

Even as I am not rooted I find myself stationary
And through struggles of placement I am reactionary
Reaction lends itself to action
Which is thrust upon me as if the foundation of stability
Recognizing its instability
Crumbles downward to facilitate my demise
When it does I have no choice but to wait
I wait mindlessly as if I have no other choice

And then nature asks, "Why is the sun my savior?"
As a savior the sun gives no reply, even as its warmth
A carrier of hope and yet a killer of life
Is felt long after it has set
But nature becomes cold after the setting of the savior
As the warmth fades and its presence is forgotten
The leaf is left to turn in circles
Searching for a light that is not there

The night falls and with it my body
The cold created weakens me but stiffens me
Making me stronger against the winds of hell
Only after a nights waiting will I be rewarded with the return
However a passive return I am warm again
Although weaker and at the mercy of the winds of hell

And then nature asks, "Sun, why do you depart?"
As a savior the sun gives no reply, merely acting obediently
To the accusations of setting
The flowers fold as if to concede to their own misunderstanding
As the savior sets and all is still and cold

I lay frozen in the place that I've been rooted by the savior
And as incredulous as my mind has made me
With my faith leeching into the soil and plants nearby
Even as it sets, the sun knows that it will rise again