The Smashed Compass and the Sea

Inspired by an unnamed person's perpetual plight

Tomorrow I'd rather die than live to see
You say I exaggerate, that I enjoy the pain
But I'm not sure you know what's been done to me
And as I describe my world to you, I'd rather you refrain
From speaking even if you must dam the river
For I must hurry and you must hear-- my body begins to quiver

It's simple to say that It let me down
But in doing so left me in the sand on the shore
That I was soon buried in, doomed to drown
In the nearby sea of despair that I had never felt before
Save when It set me there months before
And as you know the sea was unusually ordinary
The drowned sailors in their numbers were extraordinary
For I, for certain, was not the only one
To lose course and find myself at one
With an angry sea, harsh and gripping
That left me alone with my thoughts, consciousness slipping

And you are right, my desire was the sea
Purposeful my intent was in smashing my last compass
Until the shards were nothing more than sand
This is the part you fail to understand
I can see why, for my thoughts seem in chaos
Contrary to the fact my thoughts were subdued
I say this because It is a beast with hundreds of arms
Playing me as a puppet, and I believe for Its pleasure
An influence and power beyond normal measure

As I was told, It was a facade
I mention the beast only as external speculation
For what I saw was the legendary mermaid on a rock
Craving my desire for Its own well-being
Of course a mirage of the sea, It left as It came
I searched for time unknown, all the while staring
White-eyed and wanton, to exterminate my mind in the sea
At this point with lack of belief in the world
I smashed my last compass
Hoping to end in the only thing I'd known

I still see It through dreams now and again
Which is why I'm telling you this, my friend
I've smashed my compass, drowned my self
So many things, I can't think of what else

So give me now your hand, even as it trembles
Pay no attention to the object, no matter what it resembles
And meeting my eyes you are now the mermaid on a rock
Meeting my eyes, do not look around; there's no escape, no dock
I will lay in the sea, comforted only because its all I've known
And you will aim and fire, and then leave me alone
For I will sink slowly, drinking all that I can
Until on the ocean bottom, softly I will land
Among the countless sailors who died the same way
Many with holes in their chests, but I don't need to say
Take comfort knowing nothing has changed
I've always been here, that's how It did arrange
Silently I'll lay, suspended, with no conscious mind herein
Dead in the same deep slumber that I've always hidden in